I don’t know about you, but for me, the notion of “life balance” is something I tossed out the window years ago. I had heard about so many ways to manage time, create checklists, prioritize my life, and be more productive that every day just felt like one big to-do list. It was not how I wanted to be living. The idea of trying to achieve balance felt much like walking a tightrope while juggling several balls at one time—none of which could be dropped for fear of the guilt, anxiety and/or shame that might result. Nope. That was not for me.

The first time I began to re-think balance was a number of years ago when I picked up a copy of Allison Pearson’s bestselling novel I Don’t Know How She Does It. If you haven't read this book, it is a hilarious look at the struggles of a working mother as she tries to find the right balance between career and home and the self-doubt she feels about not being able to succeed at both. While the story is a wonderful read, it was the opening quote of the book that really struck a chord with me:

juggle: v. & n. v. 1 intr. perform feats of dexterity, esp. by tossing objects in the air and catching them… 2 tr. continue to deal with (several activities at once), esp. with ingenuity. 3 intr. & tr. (foll. by with) to deceive or cheat. b misrepresent (facts)… n. 1 a piece of juggling.  2 a fraud.
                                        —Concise Oxford Dictionary

To deceive or cheat? A fraud? As a mother, I could certainly relate to the term “juggle” in my own struggle for life balance, but I had never associated this process with deceit or fraud. The more I thought about it, though, the more it seemed that there was something very inauthentic about this thing called balance and how we go about achieving it…

In our efforts to find balance these days, we spend so much of our time trying to get everything done and keep up, that more often than not we disconnect from why we’re doing it. How many times had I scrambled to get something done only with the intent of being able to scratch it off my to-do list? How many times had I spent leisure time with my family only to have my mind focused on the fifty other things I should be doing? How many times had I hastily kissed my children and my husband good-bye with the intention of staying on schedule rather than really connecting with them?

There was definitely something very inauthentic and ill-focused about this kind of balance. Where was the joy? Where was the pleasure? Isn’t that supposed to be the point of life balance? Yup, it was time to say good-bye to this thing called balance.

So, here I am, several years later, a recovering juggler. And, like most recovery processes, I’m still learning and very often take it one day at a time. Over the last few years, however, I have gleaned a lot of wisdom as I have learned to live without that fraudulent, neurotic kind of balance. Here are a few pieces of that wisdom that I hope might help you should you decide to forgo balance in your own life:

 

Life does not unfold on an even keel.
Because we are so busy, we want our lives to unfold as smoothly as possible. We think that if we just find the right balance between all the pieces of our lives, everything will fall perfectly into place. But life doesn’t work that way. Just like the rest of the natural world, there are always ebbs and flows. As Jenny McCarthy once commented on motherhood: “There is no balance. You have to make the best of it because it’s always lopsided.” Our task is to accept this lopsidedness and learn how to loosen our grip on life.

Simplicity is key.
Part of learning to let go means releasing activities, ideas and possessions that are cluttering up our schedules, our minds and our homes. This kind of clutter only adds to our perceived need to manage and balance the various pieces of our lives. The key here is not to get caught up in making excuses about why you should be doing something or how you don’t have time to simplify—focus on making choices instead of excuses. Tough choices, thoughtful reflection and creativity will go a long way here in helping you determine where and how you can simplify your life.

Focus on intention.
Oftentimes we get so caught up in doing because we think we “should” and “need to” be doing certain things. Maybe our own parents did things a certain way, maybe we’re following in an older sibling’s footsteps, or maybe all the Moms you know are doing a certain thing. Take a look at the major activities in your life and the activities that take up your time and energy, and ask yourself why you’re doing them. If they’re not enhancing your life, accomplishing a basic necessity, or providing meaning to you, then stop doing them! Toss the should’s and need to’s out the window right behind balance.

Have a little faith.
Remember when you were pregnant and for nine months you just waited patiently for nature to do its thing and grow your baby? Okay, so you ate healthy and got plenty of rest, but other than that you waited … and trusted. You trusted that nature would give your baby two eyes and a nose and ten little fingers, exactly where they’re supposed to be. This is faith—trusting in a force greater than yourself to handle life. And the truth is that many aspects of our lives, and our children’s lives, are handled by that same force.

 

Let go. Say good-bye to that ill-focused kind of balance. Some things might not work out the way you think they should or in the timeframe you want, but they will flow exactly the way they are meant to. Even better, you’ll experience a level of joy and pleasure in your life that can only be found in this perfectly lopsided world called motherhood.

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